Ernest A. Becker V
Lincoln Christian University
When reading and writing, I felt paralyzed by fear until my skills were developed. I was sitting in my 4th grade class as the teacher gave us a reading assignment to do; the anxiety that I felt was like walking a tight rope hundreds of feet above the ground. As the clock ticked by, the intense pressure grew, I was worried that I would be last and be made fun of. The time came when the teacher said two more minutes, “ugh†is what I thought, and I am only halfway done. The shame that I felt was intense as the seconds ticked by, then the time came when the teacher said that four letter word “STOPâ€. I sat there paralyzed with fear of the thought that she would call on me to explain what I read, I felt like a failure. I thought “what the heck was I going to sayâ€? I was thankful that she didn’t call on me.
When I was in junior high school my mom enrolled me into a reading and comprehension learning disability program. I literally have the image ingrained in my mind of the day I walked into the facilities. The feelings of stress came over me, I thought “how am I going to be like everyone else and read normally?†I struggled with school in areas that required reading and writing. I literally do not know how I made it through!
When I graduated high school I started working in the construction business. I developed a strong passion to get my contractor’s license but feared the reading and writing. I decided to go for it and signed up! I failed a few times but eventually passed. After I formed my new business I started to learn the clerical side of the business. I still struggled with my reading but I did it anyway.
I became involved with the family business which allowed me to learn how to perform other aspects of the business. I became experienced at writing and negotiating leases, creating contracts and creating entities, etc. Due to the fact that I was diligently involved in all aspects of the business I realized that I was developing the skills to read, comprehend and write. I registered for a speed reading class at the college; this was challenging for me but it helped me with my reading.
The time came when God prompted me to step out and use the gifts He placed in me to further His kingdom. I signed up for coaching school, this was exciting but at the same time terrifying. This meant that I needed to get a certification that involved additional schooling which meant I had to read and write. Going through the coaching certification process was challenging but I continued to move forward. Through my hard work and dedication I obtained my certification from “Professional Coaching Counseling Academyâ€.
I had feelings of wanting more so I signed up for the master’s certification. On the agenda were 4 books to read, book reports, the development of a program, 10 clients to coach and several other items. Can you guess what I was thinking? Yep, 4 Books to read and a book to write. Are you kidding me? I thought this will only make me stronger so I dove in. While the reading was a struggle I noticed that as time went on it became easier and more enjoyable. When I accomplished my first book and book report I was amazed. I said to myself I actually did this? That boosted my self-esteem. I was excited to get started on the next one. As I completed each book and report I noticed it was getting easier and I was developing a skill.
The time came that I had to start writing my book, I thought “this is crazyâ€. I hired an editor to assist me in the final draft. I had over a decade of notes, coaching, mentoring and information to pull from. I had written an outline through the years that contained what I wanted to convey to people. The title I decided on was “Conquering Chaos with Loveâ€. The book encourages people to Love God, themselves and others bringing them into a deeper relationship with God. This project stretched me to grow in my reading and writing skills, in addition I added another component that stretched me even further. I wrote scripts for videos and stood in front of the camera to be filmed. I never dreamed that I could have accomplished writing a book that included videos.
Communication is an art that is expressed through reading, writing, speech and listening. “What hasn’t changed is that communication is the art of self-expression.†(Beattie, 2009) I like how Beattie mentions self-expression; we do express ourselves through the communication of writing. My reading and writing skills are increasing as I continue to refine my communication abilities.
God has called me to impact the world by encouraging others to draw closer to Him. I recently enrolled in college seeking a degree in Ministry Leadership; this will allow God to use me at a deeper level. I had discussed doing this for years with a Pastor but was apprehensive because of my challenges with reading and writing. With the support and encouragement of my family, friends and mentors I stepped out of my comfort zone and signed up.
Once paralyzed by fear, now I am eager to read and write. I have developed the skills, although they are by no means perfected, I continue to strive for perfection. There are times in life where we may not possess the skills to do something, but if we are dedicated and persistent those skills can be developed. When we are faced with fear we have a choice to either allow it to cripple us or to stand up with courage and forge forward. I know that I have not mastered this skill but I remain committed to improving every day!
References Beattie, M. (2009). The New Codependency. New York: Simon & Schuster.